How long does it really take for a person to detect certain patterns about themselves? For me, it took around five years. It took me five years to really understand the strategy that I built for myself whenever I started dating someone new. The approach that I take, the one that I’ve been so unaware of for so long. But thankfully, I eventually spotted mine. And it wasn’t until I did, that I started seeing how systemic my pattern actually was. I didn’t realize I was doing what I was doing until I sat back in my chair and watched myself do it automatically with my eyes closed. I call that pattern “The Unavailable Available”.
A few years back, during my first year of college; I met a guy. He was sweet, nice and pretty dull. He asked me out and skipping all the boring details, we finally made it to our destination. However, in the first few minutes of the date, I was already searching for flaws to make me flee, I was so eager for him to say something wrong or for him to even offend me, so that I’d find a good excuse as to why I won’t be seeing him again. My whole focus during that date was on the guy’s imperfections rather than on the things that I actually did like about him.
When the date was over and done with. I literally fled. We didn’t go out again. And that is the case with at least 90% of the dates that I’ve been on.
“However, in the first few minutes
of the date, I was already searching
for flaws to make me flee…”
Basically, the pattern went as follows: I go out with the guy once and then BAM! It’s as if it never happened at all. I completely shut myself off. I make myself ridiculously impossible to reach or approach in anyway. A few years down the road, as time went by and maturity started kicking in; I realized that all that time I’d convince myself that I’m ready to get with someone, ready to start a relationship and all that yada yada, but I most definitely fucking wasn’t. I wasn’t because I’d always find a way to stop the plane before it even takes off. I’d subconsciously sabotage that thought of making it work by basically doing these three things:
1. I’d go for other unavailable available types
I’d always go for guys who looked like really bad decisions. If a guy had a sticky note that said “Bad idea!” stuck to his forehead, I saw it as my cue to walk into his life. Why? so that when the time came, and I decided to leave, he wouldn’t be affected much by it.
2. I’d run to the nearest exit by constantly coming up with illogical excuses as to why “it’s not working out for me, sorry”
I used them all, all the lines in the world, I USED THEM. “It’s a bad time for me, right now”, “I’m too busy with other shit”, “my fear of emotional attachment won’t let me do it”. And the funny thing here is that I would work on convincing myself that these excuses were astoundingly valid, whereas what was really going on was that I was either freaking out like fuck or just didn’t want to get with them, at all.
3. I’d let my imagination roam freely and fantasize about all the incredible possibilities until that first shake of real actual vulnerability and intimacy makes me run for the hills
Now, the really intense part. On the occasional event that I’d actually take off one layer of my so many holdbacks, that other person would naturally try to get closer, right? Well, whenever I felt that process was starting to take place in the past, I’d bail out IMMEDIATELY. No warning signs. Bitch move, I know. But for some reason, I couldn’t bear the idea of the whole relationship-partners-love-sharing thing. I couldn’t stand the idea of being tied down.
Here’s the thing, though. I never lied about it to any of the guys. I mean, ever since I realized something was off but didn’t want to do anything about it. I would state all that was on my mind at the very beginning of it but somehow, that made guys think that I was doing it so that they’d chase me harder??? I’m serious, a lot of guys actually hear “I want you to play the cat and mouse game with me” when all a woman’s trying to say is “I’m not looking for anything serious” or “Let’s just enjoy it while it lasts”. Oh, well…
My fear of intimacy has kept me from getting what I wanted for so damn long, simply because I didn’t even know I had it. It wasn’t until you tried getting close and I felt my jaw clenching, my hands trembling, my voice breaking and my guts crying out “Fucking get up and leave!” That I had to recognize that it was a thing, a BIG thing. But to be entirely fair, my commitment issues have also helped me dodge some serious weirdos. No, like, for realzeez.
Ashraf Hamdi’s ‘A Voice Note’ Returns With Another Heart-warming Story
Director/ Writer Ashraf Hamdi strikes again with the release of his latest VN14: “Only If Time Was..” and after one year of fans waiting around for another voice note, Hamdi didn’t disappoint and delivered an outstanding piece different than the others but still holds the same magic that we all fell for.
The Voice Note tells once again a love story, one that started with a spark but ended tragically, leaving us all in awe. It’s a story that shows chemistry between two but when bad timing interferes and fate gets in the way, it ends differently than one would have expected.
The Voice Note is featuring the beautiful Aya AbdelHamid and Khaled El Zommor with the voice-overs done by Hamdi and Heidy Ahmed and as usual is written, directed, edited by Hamdi. What makes it even more personalized this time, is that the entire music of the episode was composed from scratch and is courtesy of Ashraf El Ziftawi.
That was Hamdi’s first collaboration with a musical composer and he worked along Ashraf El Ziftawi for 3 months and before that they spent a year composing music for other commercials and work.
The music wasn’t the only highlight of the short film, but also the song at the end that was exclusively written and recorded for it, making the Voice Note more intriguing and special.
We spoke with Ashraf Hamdi regarding these collaborations and he told us how unusual it is for him to do such a thing but he loves collaborating with fresh, young talents and shedding the light on their work.
For those who don’t know, the Voice Note series is the creation of the brilliant Ashraf Hamdi where love stories are told through a voice note. Every Voice Note holds a story and every story was based on a meaningful inspiration.
In his stories, you can find ‘love you didn’t love’ or an experience that you relate to, or maybe a completion of a love story that you didn’t have the chance to completely live.
When asked why the VN14 took so long, his answer was simply that ‘you need to be inspired,” and we are so glad he did. He also revealed that he likes everything in the project to be very personalized, even the cast, he needs to connect with them and love them in a way.
We hope Hamdi stays inspired so we can get to witness more of his magic!
It’s Time You Walk Away When…
I hold my phone every other second, still, not a single word from him. I toss and I turn, not able to sleep, and I start to wonder, is he okay? What is he doing right now? Has he gone home safely? I’ll text and see. ‘No. Stop it. He’s fine not hearing from you.’ My overthinking begins to tell me.
Why is he okay not asking about me when I’m not? Well, maybe because this is my first sign that I should away.
1- They care less than you do
When your relationship starts getting fragile, it is important that the other person assures you that they have equal feelings. That you’re both in this together, and you will work it out, together. It should never be all on you, you shouldn’t be the only person making the effort. So stop being the quicker person to call, and stop worrying so much. Let them do the call, the texting, let them do the fixing. Because again, you’re in this together, or you’re out, you walk away.
2- They always make excuses not to meet
You want to meet up, go over things, discuss it like adults and come up with a plan, right? But it never happens, right? Because they always seem to find an excuse to get out of it, or they simply can’t do this same conversation again. They say they can’t do this fighting anymore, but when you’re fighting for your relationship, then it’s legitimate and if they can’t do it, they don’t deserve you.
3- They can’t be trusted
Relationships can lack several fundamentals, but one thing it should never lack, is trust. It is what relationships are built on, and once it is taken from the equation, the relationship falls. I’m not telling you to give up the second they do you wrong, but to earn your trust again, they should work hard for it, and this chance you are giving them, should never be taken for granted.
4- They are cold
The way they treat you is cold, the way they respond is cold, even the way they smile back at you is cold. This change in behavior can only be spotted by you, and when you start comparing their responses to the way it used to be, this is when you will get your answer.
Never allow yourself to be with someone, who just doesn’t seem to care anymore. Someone who’s keeping you, because they are being selfish, and not reasonable.
5- They exhibit an error in communication
Communication is a key to a healthy relationship, it’s important for the both of you to know that you’re standing on the same ground, that you both feel and want the same thing. It’s okay to experience some miscommunication, but what matters is for the both of you to admit having this issue; so you can work through it and get past it.
Try to allow the space for each of you to speak their minds, with no interruptions AT ALL. Listening is a key to understanding, and accepting that difference in your point of views, is another key.
I can never really tell you for sure that this is your cue to leave, because at the end, it’s not signs that you should follow, it is your intuition. So what does it tell you?
It’s Chocolate/Flower Day!
Today marks the 14th and in case you were too busy to shop the perfect gift, here’s a list of Instagram accounts and places that sell the cutest, most creative flowers and chocolates sets.
And even if you did buy a gift, flowers and chocolates are always a nice plus!
- The Batter Half& Co.
Known for their innovative desserts and customized cakes, the Batter half is making beautiful packages of desserts and flowers, basically a girl’s favorite things.
- Lariba chocolate.
The page is doing a fascinating chocolate related job, there is a variety of innovative chocolate shapes that surely will dazzle your one!
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Dazzle her with chocolate, the best way to say love on Valentine’s Day! LARIBA’s #Valentine’s_Day_Collection. #CHOCOLATE_WITH_A_CHARACTER www.eLARIBA.com #LARIBA #chocolate #LARIBAchocolate #chocolatier #Belgian_chocolate #gifts #collage #occasions #wedding #baby_shower #newborn #giveaways #celebrations #celebrities #corporate #tailored #unique #authentic #exclusive #finesse #luxury #Cairo #Egypt
- Bloom Dose.
They create an elegant mix between chocolates and flowers, the beauty is in balancing between both, and they have done it quite well.
- Box of roses.
Now, this is a personal favor, a box of perfectly set flowers that combines a vintage touch with a modern feel. And just FYI, a box of roses isn’t exclusive to a certain occasion.
They also have the famous Beauty & the Beast flower.
- Keni flower shop.
Another personal favorite thanks to the diversity of their flowers, both in types and colors.
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Forever rose – Special price 2 Days to go… Counting down the days VALENTINES DAY ❤️ #floret #blossom #roses#boxofroses #valentinegift #valentineoffer #valentineday2019 #bouquet #boxofgifts #tulips #blossom#florist #roses #redroses #foreverrose #foreverflowers #valentines #love #forher #giftforher #romance #giftforher
- Voila Dessert Shop.
They offer artistic gourmet chocolates assortment, that are both catchy to the eye and yummy for the tummy!
View this post on Instagram
Share your love with our indulgent gourmet chocolates assortment.. Happy Valentine's!! . . #voilacreations #excuisitelayers #dessert #dessertshop #voila #chocolatier #sharethelove #valentines #valentinesdesserts #redchocolates #valentines #chocolate #foodoflove #gourmetchocolate #bonbon #chocolatebox #delicious #treats #tasty #cairo #newcairo #delivery #obourcity #golfcity #obcommunity #mohandesin #mohandseen #cairoeats #egypt
Hope this list add an extra flavor to your day. Happy valentine’s and may the odds be in your favor!
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