Connect with us

Relationship

The Unavailable Available Dilemma

Published

on

How long does it really take for a person to detect certain patterns about themselves? For me, it took around five years. It took me five years to really understand the strategy that I built for myself whenever I started dating someone new. The approach that I take, the one that I’ve been so unaware of for so long. But thankfully, I eventually spotted mine. And it wasn’t until I did, that I started seeing how systemic my pattern actually was. I didn’t realize I was doing what I was doing until I sat back in my chair and watched myself do it automatically with my eyes closed. I call that pattern “The Unavailable Available”.

A few years back, during my first year of college; I met a guy. He was sweet, nice and pretty dull. He asked me out and skipping all the boring details, we finally made it to our destination. However, in the first few minutes of the date, I was already searching for flaws to make me flee, I was so eager for him to say something wrong or for him to even offend me, so that I’d find a good excuse as to why I won’t be seeing him again. My whole focus during that date was on the guy’s imperfections rather than on the things that I actually did like about him.

When the date was over and done with. I literally fled. We didn’t go out again. And that is the case with at least 90% of the dates that I’ve been on.

                                                               “However, in the first few minutes

                                                               of the date, I was already searching

                                                               for flaws to make me flee…”

Basically, the pattern went as follows: I go out with the guy once and then BAM! It’s as if it never happened at all. I completely shut myself off. I make myself ridiculously impossible to reach or approach in anyway. A few years down the road, as time went by and maturity started kicking in; I realized that all that time I’d convince myself that I’m ready to get with someone, ready to start a relationship and all that yada yada, but I most definitely fucking wasn’t. I wasn’t because I’d always find a way to stop the plane before it even takes off. I’d subconsciously sabotage that thought of making it work by basically doing these three things:

           1. I’d go for other unavailable available types

I’d always go for guys who looked like really bad decisions. If a guy had a sticky note that said “Bad idea!” stuck to his forehead, I saw it as my cue to walk into his life. Why? so that when the time came, and I decided to leave, he wouldn’t be affected much by it.

           2. I’d run to the nearest exit by constantly coming up with illogical excuses as to why “it’s not working out for me, sorry”

I used them all, all the lines in the world, I USED THEM. “It’s a bad time for me, right now”, “I’m too busy with  other shit”, “my fear of emotional attachment won’t let me do it”. And the funny thing here is that I would work on convincing myself that these excuses were astoundingly valid, whereas what was really going on was that I was either freaking out like fuck or just didn’t want to get with them, at all.

           3. I’d let my imagination roam freely and fantasize about all the incredible possibilities until that first shake of real actual vulnerability and intimacy makes me run for the hills

Now, the really intense part. On the occasional event that I’d actually take off one layer of my so many holdbacks, that other person would naturally try to get closer, right? Well, whenever I felt that process was starting to take place in the past, I’d bail out IMMEDIATELY. No warning signs. Bitch move, I know. But for some reason, I couldn’t bear the idea of the whole relationship-partners-love-sharing thing. I couldn’t stand the idea of being tied down.

Here’s the thing, though. I never lied about it to any of the guys. I mean, ever since I realized something was off but didn’t want to do anything about it. I would state all that was on my mind at the very beginning of it but somehow, that made guys think that I was doing it so that they’d chase me harder??? I’m serious, a lot of guys actually hear “I want you to play the cat and mouse game with me” when all a woman’s trying to say is “I’m not looking for anything serious” or “Let’s just enjoy it while it lasts”. Oh, well…

My fear of intimacy has kept me from getting what I wanted for so damn long, simply because I didn’t even know I had it. It wasn’t until you tried getting close and I felt my jaw clenching, my hands trembling, my voice breaking and my guts crying out “Fucking get up and leave!” That I had to recognize that it was a thing, a BIG thing. But to be entirely fair, my commitment issues have also helped me dodge some serious weirdos. No, like, for realzeez.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Celebs

Punched for Valentines Day

Published

on

Hayden and Brian

Valentines Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year where lovey-dovey gifts are exchanged. But this year, something out of the ordinary happened on February 14th.

Hayden Panettiere, well known actress of several movies and TV shows such as Scream 4, was punched by her boyfriend Brian Hickerson on the face. WHAT?

Brian was arrested and charged with assault at 2:30 am on Valentines Day. According to the press, Brian brutally struck Hayden on the right side of her face. When Brian was asked about what happened at the scene of the incident, he bitterly refused to answer questions. This is definitely not going to help his alibi!

A 911 call was made claiming that an intoxicated man is causing a scene, and with that said, the police rushed to the given address. When there, they witnessed Brian waiting outside Hayden’s door while Hayden was safely hiding inside her house.

Archived documents state that Hayden locked Brian out of a private home the couple had been staying at on Valentine’s Day. What’s quite ironic is that Brian is accusing Hayden for beating him up. Reports show quite the opposite. When Hayden was searched for injuries, her face had been swollen and a few cuts and bruises were scattered on her face and hand. With that statement, I think it’s obvious who attacked who.

According to documents, when Brian was asked by police if he punched Hayden, his “demeanor immediately changed and he avoided the question.” Brian also told police that nothing happened between the two of them.

The couple had hired a private chef for $700 meaning that he was there at the scene of the incident. When the Chef was asked about what had gone about throughout the day, he stated that the couple had been arguing the entire night. 

Brian was charged with assault, alleged domestic beating, and even interference for failing to cooperate with the police.

Brian Hickerson mug shot

Due to this incident, for Brian to be able to leave jail, he was asked to promise not to drink alcohol as well as submit to a search warrant and seizure of his vehicle if he were to break his oath. He was also asked to avoid all contact with Hayden whether it be phone calls, social media, or any other way.

This isn’t the first time Hayden and Brian get into a feisty argument. Back in 2019, it was claimed that Brian had previously assaulted her as well but Hayden didn’t want to press charges for the sake of what they have.

The couple has been dating around the time span of a year and a half, but I guess this is the end of the road for them. Women have the absolute right to break things off with a man, especially if that man is abusive. On the other hand, we do hope that Hayden is coping well with the break up!

Continue Reading

Relationship

6 Signs You’re Spending Valentine’s With the Right One

Published

on

By

Valentine’s day is a couple of days away and you certainly can’t wait to celebrate love with your partner, but with all the fuzz happening around and with so many teddy bears, hearts and chocolates flooding the streets, we want to make sure that you’re not settling for just anyone for the sake of a day! It is the perfect time of the year to start questioning everything…

Do you question your relationship a lot? Do you ask yourself if you have truly made the right decision? Do you really believe that your valentine this year is your forever valentine?

Well, the below signs can help you make up your mind, you just gotta be honest with yourself!

You’re so comfortable with one another

You find comfort in each other’s presence and you enjoy even the awkward silence and I’m not just talking about reaching that stage where you can burp in front of each other! I’m talking about real comfort, the one that makes you forget all about the troubles of your day and the kind of safety you feel when you’re in each other’s warm embrace.

You want to choke them most of the time but you love them anyway

Do you sometimes if not always imagine choking your partner amidst an argument? I mean as guilty as it may sounds, we sometimes feel so much anger especially when our loved one is being extra clueless in a fight! But then do you instantly feel like kissing them as they yell? Well, they’re these kind of mixed up feelings that make your relationship worth it!

After all, relationships are about fighting off hardships along the way, you just have to choose the right person to conquer the battle with you and the one worthy fighting for.

They see your imperfections perfect

While everybody else pinpoints your flaws, your partner seems to fall in love with each one. They say love is blind and as cliche as it sounds, it truly us! When you love someone so much, you are blinded of their flaws, their past mistakes and their weird traits and all you see is the perfect person you have created in your imagination.

They’re weak for you and in front of you

They’re not ashamed to show their vulnerability in front of you but in the contrary, they can’t wait to see and let you in on all the things that are causing them pain.

You make a great CATT team

You can make fun of your partner, even bully them but if anyone else dares and upsets them, it’s you and them against the whole world! From making a great team in charades to being experts in dealing with your arguments and fights that you’re not afraid of dealing with.

You didn’t need this article to verify your feelings!

Even though you read the article, you never felt you needed this kind of verification to know that your relationship is exceptional. With all the signs the world might tell us, the only verification we need is our gut feeling that tells us when it’s right and when it’s time to run.

Continue Reading

Relationship

Valentine’s Gift Ideas For her

Published

on

By

The lucky lady in your life deserves to be spoiled on Valentine’s day, and on everyday basically but for now, let us start with February the 14th! You might be dreading scrolling down and checking the expensive gifts listed but don’t worry, we have got you covered by including a number of inexpensive gifts, so you practically have zero excuse!

Browse the following thoughtful and lovely gifts and try to imagine the look on your girlfriend’s face as she opens the gift! We have listed something for every girl type, so just browse for your girl’s personality and you will find the perfect gift for her.

Something Sentimental

View this post on Instagram

New arrival Silver Floral Heart Locket Necklace Heart locket hangs from the chain of your choice. Made to order at any length. Perfect everyday necklace. Locket opens allowing you to keep a note, affirmation or small item inside as a symbol of wishes and dreams or a photo of someone special. This locket is perfect for using as a keepsake necklace. It fits 2 photos on either side when you open it up! It would also make a great bridesmaid gift! Details: Stainless steel Heart pendant measures 29×28.5mm & sterling silver 925 chain All items are made to order. we usually make the item the same day you order and gets delivered 1-4 business days. Don't hesitate to message us for any other questions. Gift box included 🎁 Available for 225 EGP

A post shared by Crystal Jewelry (@crystaljewelry_) on

A necklace with a photo of the people she loves so that she can always keep’em close to her heart!

Or maybe a necklace that says ‘you are my world.’

A Laptop bag

If she’s the hardworking type who is always on the run between meetings and her laptop is her constant companion, then a laptop bag is a very ideal and practical choice for a gift.

You have above an elegant style, and below is for your hip girl!

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Bz9K2pLSg/

Makeup

 

A girl can never have enough makeup so if you’re looking for a safe option, this is it! Go for the basic ones, mascara, lipsticks, lip gloss or powder.

Something Unique

If your girlfriend is all about making statements and standing out in a crowd, then a unique jewelry piece is the perfect choice for her!

A Planner

https://www.instagram.com/p/B8OtvA_BnQM/

If your girlfriend is the organized type who’s crazy insane about planning every small detail of her busy life, then this the right gift for her!

Skin essentials

View this post on Instagram

#Nefertari offers its unique honey and milk soap🥛 that is considered the first step in the daily dry skin routine.An age-old combination for softening the skin. Honey is characterized by its moisturizing effects that wipe away the dryness and leave the skin gentle and soft. Milk, on the other hand, nourishes the skin with its fat and vitamins contents For dry skin. Available in all #Nefertari branches for 55 EGP 250 gm.😘 #نفرتاري بتقدملك صابون اللبن و العسل🍯 الفريدة من نوعها. فمن اول الخطوات في الروتين اليومي للبشرة الجافة هي صابونة اللبن و العسل. فهي مزيج قديم معروف من ايام قدماء المصريين لتنعيم البشرة. يتميز العسل بقدرته علي ترطيب البشرة اللي بيزيل اي اثرجفاف وتترك البشرة ناعمة وطرية. الحليب ، من ناحية أخرى ، يغذي الجلد بمحتوياته من الدهون والفيتامينات الهامة و خصوصا للبشرة الجافة. متوفرة في جميع فروع #نفرتاري بسعر 55 جنية 250 جم.

A post shared by Nefertari Body Care (@nefertari_bodycare) on

Do you keep hearing about endless talk about her skin and hair care routines? If she’s that type of girl, then you should definitely get her some skin care essentials!

Nefertari is your go to especially if you have zero information about these things which of course you don’t,because the store can will help you out.

Books

If she’s a reader and books are her getaway, then get her next favorite book!

There are of course more basic gifts ideas such as bags, shoes and clothes, then there are other gifts that are all about spoiling your girl like booking her a spa day or taking her out to a fancy dinner! Either way, the real gift any girl could wish for is that you show her love and appreciation not just this day but everyday.

 

Continue Reading
Event calender
Cinema calender

Cinema calender

Facebook

Fashion

Categories

Top Posts

Trending

X