Relationship
The Unavailable Available Dilemma
How long does it really take for a person to detect certain patterns about themselves? For me, it took around five years. It took me five years to really understand the strategy that I built for myself whenever I started dating someone new. The approach that I take, the one that I’ve been so unaware of for so long. But thankfully, I eventually spotted mine. And it wasn’t until I did, that I started seeing how systemic my pattern actually was. I didn’t realize I was doing what I was doing until I sat back in my chair and watched myself do it automatically with my eyes closed. I call that pattern “The Unavailable Available”.
A few years back, during my first year of college; I met a guy. He was sweet, nice and pretty dull. He asked me out and skipping all the boring details, we finally made it to our destination. However, in the first few minutes of the date, I was already searching for flaws to make me flee, I was so eager for him to say something wrong or for him to even offend me, so that I’d find a good excuse as to why I won’t be seeing him again. My whole focus during that date was on the guy’s imperfections rather than on the things that I actually did like about him.
When the date was over and done with. I literally fled. We didn’t go out again. And that is the case with at least 90% of the dates that I’ve been on.
“However, in the first few minutes
of the date, I was already searching
for flaws to make me flee…”
Basically, the pattern went as follows: I go out with the guy once and then BAM! It’s as if it never happened at all. I completely shut myself off. I make myself ridiculously impossible to reach or approach in anyway. A few years down the road, as time went by and maturity started kicking in; I realized that all that time I’d convince myself that I’m ready to get with someone, ready to start a relationship and all that yada yada, but I most definitely fucking wasn’t. I wasn’t because I’d always find a way to stop the plane before it even takes off. I’d subconsciously sabotage that thought of making it work by basically doing these three things:
1. I’d go for other unavailable available types
I’d always go for guys who looked like really bad decisions. If a guy had a sticky note that said “Bad idea!” stuck to his forehead, I saw it as my cue to walk into his life. Why? so that when the time came, and I decided to leave, he wouldn’t be affected much by it.
2. I’d run to the nearest exit by constantly coming up with illogical excuses as to why “it’s not working out for me, sorry”
I used them all, all the lines in the world, I USED THEM. “It’s a bad time for me, right now”, “I’m too busy with other shit”, “my fear of emotional attachment won’t let me do it”. And the funny thing here is that I would work on convincing myself that these excuses were astoundingly valid, whereas what was really going on was that I was either freaking out like fuck or just didn’t want to get with them, at all.
3. I’d let my imagination roam freely and fantasize about all the incredible possibilities until that first shake of real actual vulnerability and intimacy makes me run for the hills
Now, the really intense part. On the occasional event that I’d actually take off one layer of my so many holdbacks, that other person would naturally try to get closer, right? Well, whenever I felt that process was starting to take place in the past, I’d bail out IMMEDIATELY. No warning signs. Bitch move, I know. But for some reason, I couldn’t bear the idea of the whole relationship-partners-love-sharing thing. I couldn’t stand the idea of being tied down.
Here’s the thing, though. I never lied about it to any of the guys. I mean, ever since I realized something was off but didn’t want to do anything about it. I would state all that was on my mind at the very beginning of it but somehow, that made guys think that I was doing it so that they’d chase me harder??? I’m serious, a lot of guys actually hear “I want you to play the cat and mouse game with me” when all a woman’s trying to say is “I’m not looking for anything serious” or “Let’s just enjoy it while it lasts”. Oh, well…
My fear of intimacy has kept me from getting what I wanted for so damn long, simply because I didn’t even know I had it. It wasn’t until you tried getting close and I felt my jaw clenching, my hands trembling, my voice breaking and my guts crying out “Fucking get up and leave!” That I had to recognize that it was a thing, a BIG thing. But to be entirely fair, my commitment issues have also helped me dodge some serious weirdos. No, like, for realzeez.
Valentines Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year where lovey-dovey gifts are exchanged. But this year, something out of the ordinary happened on February 14th.
Hayden Panettiere, well known actress of several movies and TV shows such as Scream 4, was punched by her boyfriend Brian Hickerson on the face. WHAT?
Brian was arrested and charged with assault at 2:30 am on Valentines Day. According to the press, Brian brutally struck Hayden on the right side of her face. When Brian was asked about what happened at the scene of the incident, he bitterly refused to answer questions. This is definitely not going to help his alibi!
A 911 call was made claiming that an intoxicated man is causing a scene, and with that said, the police rushed to the given address. When there, they witnessed Brian waiting outside Hayden’s door while Hayden was safely hiding inside her house.
Archived documents state that Hayden locked Brian out of a private home the couple had been staying at on Valentine’s Day. What’s quite ironic is that Brian is accusing Hayden for beating him up. Reports show quite the opposite. When Hayden was searched for injuries, her face had been swollen and a few cuts and bruises were scattered on her face and hand. With that statement, I think it’s obvious who attacked who.
According to documents, when Brian was asked by police if he punched Hayden, his “demeanor immediately changed and he avoided the question.” Brian also told police that nothing happened between the two of them.
The couple had hired a private chef for $700 meaning that he was there at the scene of the incident. When the Chef was asked about what had gone about throughout the day, he stated that the couple had been arguing the entire night.
Brian was charged with assault, alleged domestic beating, and even interference for failing to cooperate with the police.
Due to this incident, for Brian to be able to leave jail, he was asked to promise not to drink alcohol as well as submit to a search warrant and seizure of his vehicle if he were to break his oath. He was also asked to avoid all contact with Hayden whether it be phone calls, social media, or any other way.
This isn’t the first time Hayden and Brian get into a feisty argument. Back in 2019, it was claimed that Brian had previously assaulted her as well but Hayden didn’t want to press charges for the sake of what they have.
The couple has been dating around the time span of a year and a half, but I guess this is the end of the road for them. Women have the absolute right to break things off with a man, especially if that man is abusive. On the other hand, we do hope that Hayden is coping well with the break up!
Valentine’s day is a couple of days away and you certainly can’t wait to celebrate love with your partner, but with all the fuzz happening around and with so many teddy bears, hearts and chocolates flooding the streets, we want to make sure that you’re not settling for just anyone for the sake of a day! It is the perfect time of the year to start questioning everything…
Do you question your relationship a lot? Do you ask yourself if you have truly made the right decision? Do you really believe that your valentine this year is your forever valentine?
Well, the below signs can help you make up your mind, you just gotta be honest with yourself!
You’re so comfortable with one another
You find comfort in each other’s presence and you enjoy even the awkward silence and I’m not just talking about reaching that stage where you can burp in front of each other! I’m talking about real comfort, the one that makes you forget all about the troubles of your day and the kind of safety you feel when you’re in each other’s warm embrace.
You want to choke them most of the time but you love them anyway
Do you sometimes if not always imagine choking your partner amidst an argument? I mean as guilty as it may sounds, we sometimes feel so much anger especially when our loved one is being extra clueless in a fight! But then do you instantly feel like kissing them as they yell? Well, they’re these kind of mixed up feelings that make your relationship worth it!
After all, relationships are about fighting off hardships along the way, you just have to choose the right person to conquer the battle with you and the one worthy fighting for.
They see your imperfections perfect
While everybody else pinpoints your flaws, your partner seems to fall in love with each one. They say love is blind and as cliche as it sounds, it truly us! When you love someone so much, you are blinded of their flaws, their past mistakes and their weird traits and all you see is the perfect person you have created in your imagination.
They’re weak for you and in front of you
They’re not ashamed to show their vulnerability in front of you but in the contrary, they can’t wait to see and let you in on all the things that are causing them pain.
You make a great CATT team
You can make fun of your partner, even bully them but if anyone else dares and upsets them, it’s you and them against the whole world! From making a great team in charades to being experts in dealing with your arguments and fights that you’re not afraid of dealing with.
You didn’t need this article to verify your feelings!
Even though you read the article, you never felt you needed this kind of verification to know that your relationship is exceptional. With all the signs the world might tell us, the only verification we need is our gut feeling that tells us when it’s right and when it’s time to run.
Cinema calender
Territory Pet Clinic: Your Pet’s Oasis of Care in Dubai
Sax player Rahma Hassan, Wael Jassar and Mustafa Kamel perform a concert at the Aspero Restaurant Complex
Dr Doaa the professional dermatologist making noise in the industry
Le Méridien Cairo Airport Invites Travellers To Savour The Beauty Of Golden Hour This Summer Season
Egypt mitigates, adapts to effects of climate change via 324 bn national projects: Minister
An Inspirational Talk with The Smile Ambassador Dr Ahmed Al Kaffas
Biota: The Safe Haven You longed for it to Reopen
Mother’s day: Home workouts for the mommies
May Yacoubi: Cooking up the perfect bond with her daughter
The captivating power of the Tunisian beauty Hend Sabry
DAWLY’S MESSAGE STIRS UP THE UNDERGROUND INTO AN AVALANCHE
A BLIZZARD TAKES OVER EGYPT WITH THE RISING TIDE OF THE UNDERGROUND! El Waili and Moscow drop a visually surreal...
In celebration of the New Year … Socialista hosts distinguishable designers at La fête de Noel
Saying goodbye to a very remarkable year in the fashion industry and approaching a new aspiring one, Socialista Events blends...
The Next Generation of Sustainable Fashion through Biotech Fabrics
Plant based materials, are revolutionizing the world of fashion fabrics, from pineapple leather, rose silk, and recyclable material these materials are making a change in the world of fashion. The planet had been in danger since the environmental catastrophe of global warming, and increased levels of consumption. The sustainability of fashion, and our lifestyles can make a wider change in the way the planet can be saved. Thankfully, when the Fashion industry had been aware of the influence it has on contaminating the environment, several actions were taken, by considerable industry names. The fashion industry had a detrimental impact on the environment, through cotton harvesting, harmful chemical gases released through the manufacturing of polyester and nylon, a million of textile waste released every day. In an effort to cease the fashion industry harm to the environment, huge names such as Stella McCartney, Adidas, Nike, Hermes, are choosing an environmentally friendly biomaterial. Vegan leather has become one of the most sustainable alternatives to save the planet. These Biotech materials range from, spider silk, algae, mycelium leather, cactus leather, onion skin, coffee grounds, and even glittering sweat crystals. These biologically adapted materials, are convenient and advantageous than any other material used in history, causing less deterioration to the planet.
2022 Color is Pantone’s Lilac Very Peri
A color about encouraging creativity and imagination, encourages personal inventiveness and courageousness. A color that illuminates your personality and, thoughts, a color that brings out the artistry within each individual’s creations, Very Peri – 17-3938 by Pantone is a color made for the most erratic creations. Pantone a creative LLC company that had been well established for their color systems, design, printing, manufacturing, and supporting the management of color from design to production, amongst several materials. The corporation is located is Carlstadt New Jersey, and founded by Lawrence Herbert. Since 2000, Pantone had been fascinating the world with its creations of colors and, deciding the shade of the year. This annum, was a appealing purple blue, with red undertones. The selection process requires trend analysis, and drawing from the worlds of entertainments, art fashion, design, and several entities. As this color selection process is difficult and requires lots of accuracy. Though Veri Peri, a deep darkened Purple with red undertones is a vivid color for expression creativity, euphoria, and magical capabilities that youth hold within them. If you’re a passionate creative with strong personal ambitions this is the color for you.
