Romance. Romantic love. How beautiful are these notions? I have already spoken about what is labeled as “romantic love” on more than one occasion. But this time I shall escalate it and speak about love for what it really is or should be. This time, I shall demonstrate that this notion that we all love, and desperately wish to have and to experience, is faulty, and does more wrong than it does us any good. I shall show that we all have been tricked by this romanticism into believing that something such s romantic love exists, when it really doesn’t–at least not in the sense it is portrayed.
So what is romantic love? Surely we all know it. It’s that thing that happens when two people fall in love with one another. Well, it could be wise to know first that this notion hasn’t been here forever. It’s fairly recent, and brought to us with the blessings of poets and artists of the 18th century. Before that, unions and marriages were not based on a falling in love. Before that, unions and marriages were not based on falling in love. Unions before the 18th century were based on specific economic and social advantages. A man had a big farm and a woman had a number of sheep, so they would decide to form a union and get married.
Then Romanticism came along and promised us something different. Romanticism said hey: “you don’t have to think rationally about marriage anymore. Listen to your heart, to your feelings.” Romanticism tells us we will find someone, we will have a special feeling, we will fall in love, and it’ll be forever.
We all think this is exciting. We all patiently await this. We are deeply convinced by it, and we don’t doubt it for one minute.
Romanticism says we all have soulmates. There is exactly that one person (the soulmate) who is meant to be with exactly one person, and when it happens everything will be complete, and it’ll be forever, and eternity, and sunsets and beautiful days are what lies ahead.
But hey, what is wrong with this notion? This notion that we see in movies, hear in music, and real in novels. The answer is everything. But I will mention only two points which are very prevalent and fundamentally in romantic love.
Romanticism says that you will find our soulmate, and that person will love you for who you are. Wrong. That person fights with you exactly because he/she is beginning to use who you really are. Someone once said that the people who ov us end up leaving for the same reasons that brought them to us in the first place. Because who you really are is crazy. It’s insane and sometimes bad. Romanticism further says that we should show our partner the whole of us, the complete us. But no one really wants to see that. Certainly not the soulmate.”
The other thing romanticism urges is that when we are hurt we shouldn’t have to tell the person we love. Because he/she should already know how we feel. He/she loves us, so we keep silent, or we slam the door.
But why should we expect anybody at all to know how we feel without telling them how we feel? This is crazy. When someone is hurt, it’s not like a broken arm. The mere sight of an arm cast implies an injury in the body, but what about an injury in the soul? How are we to see that? How are we to fix that. The answer is: communication.
We should abandon the idea of fully exposing oneself to the other. If you expose yourself fully, then you show your partner how ugly you truly are. How dysfunctional and intolerant you are. Nobody wants to see that. You should never wait for the beloved to know or notice that you’re hurt. He/she is not a psychic, nor is it his/her job to be one. Communicate. Articulate your feelings. Show your partner that behind all that confidence and serious gaze there exists a baby who just wants a hug.
It’s Time You Walk Away When…
I hold my phone every other second, still, not a single word from him. I toss and I turn, not able to sleep, and I start to wonder, is he okay? What is he doing right now? Has he gone home safely? I’ll text and see. ‘No. Stop it. He’s fine not hearing from you.’ My overthinking begins to tell me.
Why is he okay not asking about me when I’m not? Well, maybe because this is my first sign that I should away.
1- They care less than you do
When your relationship starts getting fragile, it is important that the other person assures you that they have equal feelings. That you’re both in this together, and you will work it out, together. It should never be all on you, you shouldn’t be the only person making the effort. So stop being the quicker person to call, and stop worrying so much. Let them do the call, the texting, let them do the fixing. Because again, you’re in this together, or you’re out, you walk away.
2- They always make excuses not to meet
You want to meet up, go over things, discuss it like adults and come up with a plan, right? But it never happens, right? Because they always seem to find an excuse to get out of it, or they simply can’t do this same conversation again. They say they can’t do this fighting anymore, but when you’re fighting for your relationship, then it’s legitimate and if they can’t do it, they don’t deserve you.
3- They can’t be trusted
Relationships can lack several fundamentals, but one thing it should never lack, is trust. It is what relationships are built on, and once it is taken from the equation, the relationship falls. I’m not telling you to give up the second they do you wrong, but to earn your trust again, they should work hard for it, and this chance you are giving them, should never be taken for granted.
4- They are cold
The way they treat you is cold, the way they respond is cold, even the way they smile back at you is cold. This change in behavior can only be spotted by you, and when you start comparing their responses to the way it used to be, this is when you will get your answer.
Never allow yourself to be with someone, who just doesn’t seem to care anymore. Someone who’s keeping you, because they are being selfish, and not reasonable.
5- They exhibit an error in communication
Communication is a key to a healthy relationship, it’s important for the both of you to know that you’re standing on the same ground, that you both feel and want the same thing. It’s okay to experience some miscommunication, but what matters is for the both of you to admit having this issue; so you can work through it and get past it.
Try to allow the space for each of you to speak their minds, with no interruptions AT ALL. Listening is a key to understanding, and accepting that difference in your point of views, is another key.
I can never really tell you for sure that this is your cue to leave, because at the end, it’s not signs that you should follow, it is your intuition. So what does it tell you?
It’s Chocolate/Flower Day!
Today marks the 14th and in case you were too busy to shop the perfect gift, here’s a list of Instagram accounts and places that sell the cutest, most creative flowers and chocolates sets.
And even if you did buy a gift, flowers and chocolates are always a nice plus!
- The Batter Half& Co.
Known for their innovative desserts and customized cakes, the Batter half is making beautiful packages of desserts and flowers, basically a girl’s favorite things.
- Lariba chocolate.
The page is doing a fascinating chocolate related job, there is a variety of innovative chocolate shapes that surely will dazzle your one!
View this post on Instagram
Dazzle her with chocolate, the best way to say love on Valentine’s Day! LARIBA’s #Valentine’s_Day_Collection. #CHOCOLATE_WITH_A_CHARACTER www.eLARIBA.com #LARIBA #chocolate #LARIBAchocolate #chocolatier #Belgian_chocolate #gifts #collage #occasions #wedding #baby_shower #newborn #giveaways #celebrations #celebrities #corporate #tailored #unique #authentic #exclusive #finesse #luxury #Cairo #Egypt
- Bloom Dose.
They create an elegant mix between chocolates and flowers, the beauty is in balancing between both, and they have done it quite well.
- Box of roses.
Now, this is a personal favor, a box of perfectly set flowers that combines a vintage touch with a modern feel. And just FYI, a box of roses isn’t exclusive to a certain occasion.
They also have the famous Beauty & the Beast flower.
- Keni flower shop.
Another personal favorite thanks to the diversity of their flowers, both in types and colors.
View this post on Instagram
Forever rose – Special price 2 Days to go… Counting down the days VALENTINES DAY ❤️ #floret #blossom #roses#boxofroses #valentinegift #valentineoffer #valentineday2019 #bouquet #boxofgifts #tulips #blossom#florist #roses #redroses #foreverrose #foreverflowers #valentines #love #forher #giftforher #romance #giftforher
- Voila Dessert Shop.
They offer artistic gourmet chocolates assortment, that are both catchy to the eye and yummy for the tummy!
View this post on Instagram
Share your love with our indulgent gourmet chocolates assortment.. Happy Valentine's!! . . #voilacreations #excuisitelayers #dessert #dessertshop #voila #chocolatier #sharethelove #valentines #valentinesdesserts #redchocolates #valentines #chocolate #foodoflove #gourmetchocolate #bonbon #chocolatebox #delicious #treats #tasty #cairo #newcairo #delivery #obourcity #golfcity #obcommunity #mohandesin #mohandseen #cairoeats #egypt
Hope this list add an extra flavor to your day. Happy valentine’s and may the odds be in your favor!
The couple guide for Valentine’s day
It’s almost Valentine’s day, the day which your love is tested based on the type of plans you have set for this day. So you better make the best out of it, and it can’t be just like any other outing and you can’t definitely ask her for suggestions, can you?
So here is us, offering you help with a list of ideas of things you can do. You’re welcome!
1. Make it a musical night.
For the ones who appreciate good music, then valentine’s is definitely better spent, swaying to the rhythm of tunes. Just make sure to pick places that are playing your favorite genre, and your partner’s.
MxS: The Sinatras On Valentine’s Day @Darb1718
The band performs Frank Sinatra’s songs to praise his memory, and other pieces by similar artists and jazz tunes from the same period between 1940-1960.
Darb1718 have a monthly Music programs, where artists come and musical nights are held on their roof; presenting a unique experience with a limited seat numbers.
Date: Thursday 14 February 2019
Time: 8:00 PM
Tickets: 75 EGP
Tickets are available through “TicketsMarche”
2. Candle-lit dinner night.
Going old school is always a good idea, and appeals to a lot of couples who don’t like to change their rituals. But make sure to choose the right place and the right scenery.
Eish & Malh @downtown Cairo
Located in the heart of Cairo, the restaurant is known for its coziness. And now, it’s offering a candle lit dinner with a special menu for Valentine’s Day and live music from 7- 10 PM. An extra thing to be added to its pro list, is that afterwards you can have a scroll in Downtown, maybe have some ice cream, or catch a movie.
They offer A la carte, specials, and pre-set menus.
For Reservations: 01098744014.
3. Take a road trip.
The car ride itself is going to make an enjoyable day, and the destination is just a plus! You can make it to Alexandria, it makes a perfect getaway especially this time of the year.
You can have dinner at one of El Shatby’s cafes, overlooking the sea. Another choice is Latino café, the food there is splendid and the view is very romantic! Afterwards, you can go for a walk in the streets of Alexandria, and have some ice cream @Azza before hitting the road again.
4. A day use in a hotel.
You can book a day use at a fancy hotel, reward your loved one with some spa time, then go for a dip. Or you can simply book dinner at their restaurants for those who don’t offer a day use.
Mena Marriott Cairo:
With their view of the pyramids, they surely make a perfect destination for lovers. Just make sure to book the outdoor area when reserving over the phone.
Kempinski Nile Hotel Cairo:
Their Blue restaurant is your go-to place for a romantic date, their dinner set is a bit pricey but worth it. You will get to enjoy their authentic delicacies of the Mediterranean Turkish cuisine and live violin music.
For reservations: 02 27980000
5. Do it differently!
While everybody else will be obviously going for something romantic like the above, choose to do it differently! Go bowling or skiing @SkiEgypt, maybe even some arcade fun @Magic planet, get some take outs afterwards and cruise in your car while playing your favorite tunes. It doesn’t have to something fancy to be romantic, some girls like simplicity, if your is that kind, then choose a casual place where she can be herself in.
At the end, the scenery that matters is her smile, isn’t it?
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