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Reasons to not bend and change in order to fit in

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While everybody’s fear is not fitting in with the rest, mine is to unconsciously become a replica of what everyone else is. We’re slowly becoming copies of each others; we unknowingly give in to what society views as the norm, and we give up on habits that we believe don’t match those norms, the box that society created with labels attached to its every corner has imprisoned us and we failed to realize that this box only exist in our minds. It is human nature to try and conform with society but to an extent, and then it becomes blind conformity that leads to the loss of our identity. The following are theories of why you shouldn’t conform to the rest.

1. It’s all in our heads, perfection is a myth.

Who decided that the most popular in school should be that cool kid who ditches classes and bully others? Us. And who decided that the one with a book in hand is a nerd? Also us. We created the labels, we weren’t born with the categorizations, you’re both students but with different interests, that’s all.

Start your own labels, find those who fit to your own category. Instead of bending and changing to satisfy a category that’s not yours.

2. Therefore the social risk, also a myth!

Social risk is the fear of not fitting in society, but then again we’re those who created the labeling and the ideals of what makes one a true fit or not, and thus we’re also able to change those labeling or better yet end them.

3. Different is good, similar is also good.

I’m not here to say that standing out feels special because not everyone has the uniqueness to stand out, adapting to an environment is no shame. Losing yourself in the process is what’s wrong. The fear of not belonging is common and natural but once you get to the point of accepting those differences, you’ll come to love who you are.

4. You choose your influencers!

Conforming with someone with a more social influence is another psychological act, one that many does unknowingly, we watch how influencers dress and we mimic their style believing that this way, we’re more likely to fit in. But then again, all those followers and all those likes, who made them? Us. Then why do we try so hard to follow someone else’s lead instead of creating our own?

5. There are no minority and majority, only different sets of minds.

The sense of belonging to the majority gives us satisfaction and boosts our self-esteem, whilst being with the minority boosts our insecurities, then again who decided that differences in opinions should divide us to groups? Also us. Then why can’t we accept that there is no us VS them? Only different sets of minds with different views, opinions and values.

Bottom line is, if you ever feel the need to change your behavior, do it with the conviction that this a way for you to become a better version of yourself, to evolve not to change, to never letting go of your true essence; because day by day you’ll start losing bits of who you are until there’s nothing left of you to be fixed.

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Articles

On love, Conditions, Obstacles and Irrationality

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Do we fall instantly in love? No, because that wouldn’t be real, we can get a crush on someone and by time, that crush develops. But can we stop it? That click you get at the sight of that one person, is it stoppable?

I believe not. Because once you click, there’s no going back.

Let me count with you the many clicks that happen in reaction to that person’s most little actions, they laugh, click. They smile, click. They blush, click. The tease you, click. They make you laugh, click, click. They make you cry, cl..ick, click. They mess with their hair, click. They mess with yours, click.

Let me put some math in there to make this article sounds smart, the amount of clicks you get per day is directly proportional to the time you’ll fall in love, in other words, the more the clicks are, the faster you’ll fall in love.

This is love, and below are the conditions:

Girl code

You’re not to click with your best friend’s ex, because this is the rule, you can’t fall in love with your friend’s ex, but what if that one person is the one you’re meant to be with, what if that person brings you happiness and ultimate joy, peace and serenity, what if that person is the one? And you never got to find out because girl code. Guess you just have to deal with it, right?

Your ex

They said your ex had become an ex for a reason, true, what if it was bad timing? What if it was immaturity? What if now is a good time and we’re mature? Guess you won’t find out because ‘integrity’ and ‘dignity’ shall stop you.

Your complete opposite

That person that everyone tells you is not right for you, who’s different in almost everything and does things the opposite way, you fight a lot and people speak about how you two could never end up together and you start believing them, after all it’s what everyone says, except for your heart who thinks the complete opposite. But who listens to their heart anymore?

The irrationality is in clicking with someone from the first place and you know isn’t just right, clicking with someone who goes against the rules, how could you allow your heart to sink so deep? How did you allow your mind to drift to places to where that person is? How can you stop loving someone when all what you do is think of him? Why think of him? How could you?

Silly, isn’t it? To ask someone to stop clicking, to set boundaries to the one thing in life that happens spontaneously, the one thing that has the power to get you off your feet and up in the air, but then comes these boundaries and get hold of your feet, and bring you down to your knees. Because conditions, because rationality.

 

 

 

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Balancing that Imbalanced Life

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We’re fresh grads, we work long hours, expected that we’re still young with no commitments at hand, so why not spend 12 to 13 hours in the office, right?

We’re told that this the time where we have got to build our careers before hitting our thirties, but we’re also told to ‘live a balanced life‘ which practically means ‘try and do everything.

So what are we really supposed to be doing?

After months of working, our desire for a balanced life increases which actually is a driver of chaos. Seeing that we try to thrive in business, maintain a healthy relationship, great physical and mental health and oh, travel every once in a while.

We are driven by passion, to have it all.

But when this passion becomes extreme, we find ourselves driven crazy, trying to balance it all.

It’s okay to prioritize your work, but there are certain consequences to keep in mind when doing so, first is your health, overworking and the lifestyle that goes with it can actually harm you, because of all the sitting and junk food. We barely find the time anymore to have a proper meal at home, so we end up snacking or ordering food.

Second, is your relationships, whether with your partner, your friends or family, relationships are important to us, and they require a lot of work to maintain.

Third is your own effectiveness, the longer your work hours, the more you’re likely to feel pressured and stressed out; which eventually will affect your productivity.

The key to balancing the imbalance in your life, is to try and find a middle ground, if you have no choice but stay long hours in the office, then embrace this imbalance and start building a healthier routine. You can take 15 mins off everyday to call someone you miss.

Also, bring to work homemade food and go on a healthy diet. Take advantage of every weekend, and try to use your free time wisely. And try and talk with your superiors on getting fixed hours, even if it’s every now and then.

Make sure that your life doesn’t revolve around your work, but rather for your work to be matching with your life.

If you are working too much and out of balance, something will eventually break.

Always keep that in mind.

 

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To All the People Who Left, I Forgive you

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To the people who promised never to leave, but did anyway, I forgive you. I can say so now, because I have finally reached the conclusion that it wasn’t my fault but merely your choice. And who am I to stand against this, yes, I might be the daughter, the best friend, the girlfriend, but I still have no say when it comes to this, when your choice is leaving, mine must be to let go.

I didn’t fully recover, I simply coped with your absence. I kept on coping, till I no longer think of you when I’m upset and in need for someone to talk to. I learned to shift my needs towards my own self, I soothe my own soul and I tell myself to not give up to the pain.

I miss hearing it from you though, I miss the security that girls often feel from their fathers, the care they get from their partners and the joy that a best friend gives, but I taught myself that I can live without feeling those emotions.

I would also like to thank you, because even though your absence should have toughened my heart, it actually made it softer. I now have a soft spot for those who suffer alone and in silence. I have learned from your own mistakes and now I know how to deal with a scarred heart.

Your absence surely left a void, one that can hardly be contained by the presence of anyone else. But I’m learning that when someone tries to fill your shoes, I should let them. It won’t be the same, but it is worth the try.

So to the father who left, I know you must be hurting too, but don’t. Because you eventually raised a strong kid.

To the best friend who left, no one can possibly replace you, but one who would never leave, is a worthier one.

And to the partner who left, it’s hard to walk this journey of life alone, but it surely ain’t impossible.

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