What makes us love people? It never really takes us a long while to realize that this person appeals to us, we instantly click at times; because one thing that they say will relate to us, one action will get us hooked. Whether that person will become a partner or a friend, we always choose those who are like us, with similar preferences, ones who bring us joy.
Why do you love him? They asked.
I answered with the usual “I don’t know.” But I did, somehow. It was just too extravagant to explain. I loved the shape his mouth took when a smile takes over his face, and that is why I would stare too long, way longer than I should. I loved how little he can do and yet be able to make me feel good, like nothing else mattered. As if his presence along with his smile is a whole other universe to where I belong, it was all that mattered.
Ask a person why they love their significant other and they probably wouldn’t know, ask a mother how she can tolerate so much, she probably wouldn’t know either. Because most of the times, it is this unconditional love that ease everything.
Now I wonder, why couldn’t I have loved myself as much?
Did I spend so much time loving others that I have forgotten to love myself first? I was only 13 when I started loving my best friends and I still love them to the moment. Have I loved my significant other way too much that my heart didn’t find a space to love both of us?
Now the thing is, you never really know how to define yourself, when we’re loved, we ask why? Maybe it’s the insecurities that make us wonder how can we be loved, or maybe it’s because the way we view ourselves is different than the way people perceive us. I think the reason we sometimes fail to love ourselves is because we define it based on how people perceive us.
“You’re too much to handle.”
“You were a bad friend.”
“Your insecurities will always keep you behind.”
Your friends tell you you’re beautiful, yet you find it hard to believe. They will love you and accept you, yet you still will question yourself. Because of all the above, when a person says something else, you’ll find yourself believing it over the good stuff that you were told. Because who’d say hurtful things and not mean it? But the others? The others are just complimenting you, right?
This is your first step towards loving yourself and that is to define it based on what your inner self tells you and not by the way people perceive you, give yourself the same amount of care you give to others.
At the end, you attract those who are like you, and if you find them so lovable, then it is just a reflection of yourself.