What makes us love people? It never really takes us a long while to realize that this person appeals to us, we instantly click at times; because one thing that they say will relate to us, one action will get us hooked. Whether that person will become a partner or a friend, we always choose those who are like us, with similar preferences, ones who bring us joy.
Why do you love him? They asked.
I answered with the usual “I don’t know.” But I did, somehow. It was just too extravagant to explain. I loved the shape his mouth took when a smile takes over his face, and that is why I would stare too long, way longer than I should. I loved how little he can do and yet be able to make me feel good, like nothing else mattered. As if his presence along with his smile is a whole other universe to where I belong, it was all that mattered.
Ask a person why they love their significant other and they probably wouldn’t know, ask a mother how she can tolerate so much, she probably wouldn’t know either. Because most of the times, it is this unconditional love that ease everything.
Now I wonder, why couldn’t I have loved myself as much?
Did I spend so much time loving others that I have forgotten to love myself first? I was only 13 when I started loving my best friends and I still love them to the moment. Have I loved my significant other way too much that my heart didn’t find a space to love both of us?
Now the thing is, you never really know how to define yourself, when we’re loved, we ask why? Maybe it’s the insecurities that make us wonder how can we be loved, or maybe it’s because the way we view ourselves is different than the way people perceive us. I think the reason we sometimes fail to love ourselves is because we define it based on how people perceive us.
“You’re too much to handle.”
“You were a bad friend.”
“Your insecurities will always keep you behind.”
Your friends tell you you’re beautiful, yet you find it hard to believe. They will love you and accept you, yet you still will question yourself. Because of all the above, when a person says something else, you’ll find yourself believing it over the good stuff that you were told. Because who’d say hurtful things and not mean it? But the others? The others are just complimenting you, right?
This is your first step towards loving yourself and that is to define it based on what your inner self tells you and not by the way people perceive you, give yourself the same amount of care you give to others.
At the end, you attract those who are like you, and if you find them so lovable, then it is just a reflection of yourself.
Grey’s Anatomy: The Valuable Life Lessons of the Show
The doctors of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital are up for more shifts, as ABC announced the renewal of Grey’s Anatomy for two more seasons, which means the show will run for at least through its 17th season!
This makes the show the longest running medical drama of all time.
The TV series is certainly one of the best dramas to follow, not only is it entertaining, but the issues tackled in the episodes from racism to sexism and violence, are what make the show a high rated one.
Now, if you aren’t into Grey’s Anatomy, here are the life lessons that I, personally, learned from the show. Ones that will get you encouraged to watch the series, and if you’re a fan already, then you will cherish the following:
1- You are the sun, and no one should steal your shine.
It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you should always set your priorities straight. Don’t let anyone’s wants eclipse your dreams, because you are the sun and you make your own needs come true.
2- No one will ever love you as much as your parents.
The people who raised you will always have the most love for you. And even if your relationship with one of them is unstable, find it in your heart to forgive them.
3- If you love someone, tell them, no matter what.
I’ll just leave Mark Sloan’s quote in here, “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there. ”
4- It’s okay to be dark and twisty at times.
Meredith Grey taught us that it’s okay to have dark thoughts at times, to feel vulnerable and weak. It doesn’t matter if you have someone by your side, to always grab you when you are at your lowest. To remind you of the things in you, that are worthy of love. The relationship between Meredith and Derek, is quite the example for two people loving each other unconditionally, despite one’s flaws.
5- You fight for the one you love.
Even when it’s against all odds, and against all the expectations. If you love someone, you fight for them. It may seem like the impossible, but you have got to show them that you care and that no burden, no matter how huge, can stand in your way. Again, look at Meredith and Derek and how they fought for each other across the years.
6- No running from relationships.
For that, I will leave the vows that Meredith and Derek promised each other, on their post it marriage. And remember, love each other even when you hate each other.
7. Sometimes, horrible people deserve forgiveness.
You always have to think of one’s actions from their place, no one is born obnoxious. I believe it is an acquired attitude from the things they have been through in life. If those people are met with compassion, they can change. Just look at Alex Karev, and how love and friendship changed his personality entirely.
The life lessons are countless, and the issues that the show discusses will leave you stunned. My advice is to binge watch the show, that will certainly change your perspective on A LOT.
When it is You Who Sometimes Hold Yourself Back
How does one hold their own self back? simple, you overthink, you over-analyze and you doubt yourself. You doubt it so hard that it starts to listen to you, and I for one, am a victim of my own self.
It started a long while ago, but the effects of it wasn’t that apparent. It wasn’t until I started working that I have realized what my own mind is doing to me.
When I was in college, I doubted my capabilities, and never thought that I was smart enough to do better. Always considered myself, as a regular. A regular student, and a regular person. And that caused me to fail behind, big time.
Now that I graduated and working, the doubts are more, even if I get praised for work, I still consider my work as ‘not enough’. And that is causing me to breakdown every once in a while. I overthink every detail, and now it’s not only affecting my work, but also my relationships with the ones I love dearly.
It is all in my head, I now know that quite well, the trick though, is not only to recognize this, but to fight it!
Fight the thoughts in your head that tell you ‘you’re incapable’, fight them with all your might and find the strength to think positively and highly about yourself.
One thing I also started doing, and is helping me a lot, is keeping an agenda with me everyday, documenting all the things that I have done; thus keeping track of my performance.
I remind myself everyday that I’m smarter than I think, and I am doing better than I believe.
Overthinking isn’t only holding you back, but it is also causing a mental toll that you are too young to bear. Learning to refute it is the key, also having someone supportive to remind you what a good person you are, is important.
It is that kind of support and encouragement that got me through senior year, and is helping me excel at work despite my dark thoughts.
I pray everyday for my mind to go easy on me, and I certainly wish the same for all the troubles minds out-there…
On love, Conditions, Obstacles and Irrationality
Do we fall instantly in love? No, because that wouldn’t be real, we can get a crush on someone and by time, that crush develops. But can we stop it? That click you get at the sight of that one person, is it stoppable?
I believe not. Because once you click, there’s no going back.
Let me count with you the many clicks that happen in reaction to that person’s most little actions, they laugh, click. They smile, click. They blush, click. The tease you, click. They make you laugh, click, click. They make you cry, cl..ick, click. They mess with their hair, click. They mess with yours, click.
Let me put some math in there to make this article sounds smart, the amount of clicks you get per day is directly proportional to the time you’ll fall in love, in other words, the more the clicks are, the faster you’ll fall in love.
This is love, and below are the conditions:
You’re not to click with your best friend’s ex, because this is the rule, you can’t fall in love with your friend’s ex, but what if that one person is the one you’re meant to be with, what if that person brings you happiness and ultimate joy, peace and serenity, what if that person is the one? And you never got to find out because girl code. Guess you just have to deal with it, right?
They said your ex had become an ex for a reason, true, what if it was bad timing? What if it was immaturity? What if now is a good time and we’re mature? Guess you won’t find out because ‘integrity’ and ‘dignity’ shall stop you.
Your complete opposite
That person that everyone tells you is not right for you, who’s different in almost everything and does things the opposite way, you fight a lot and people speak about how you two could never end up together and you start believing them, after all it’s what everyone says, except for your heart who thinks the complete opposite. But who listens to their heart anymore?
The irrationality is in clicking with someone from the first place and you know isn’t just right, clicking with someone who goes against the rules, how could you allow your heart to sink so deep? How did you allow your mind to drift to places to where that person is? How can you stop loving someone when all what you do is think of him? Why think of him? How could you?
Silly, isn’t it? To ask someone to stop clicking, to set boundaries to the one thing in life that happens spontaneously, the one thing that has the power to get you off your feet and up in the air, but then comes these boundaries and get hold of your feet, and bring you down to your knees. Because conditions, because rationality.
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