Alright women, this one’s for your best guy bud(s). An appreciation post for the wonderful platonic relationship that you share with your best dude(s). A thank you to the ones who’re always there to pick us up when we’re down. The ones you can easily cheer up with a couple of beers. The ones you can’t wait to play chess with on the porch when you’re 60. So, yep, boys, here’s to you and to your sometimes, lack of common sense:
1. The Ultimate Cockblockers
Picture this: You’re at some house party that you didn’t want to go to in the first place but got dragged to anyway because all your four friends wanted to go and your internet connection sucks at home because you can’t get yourself to pay that extra 50 bucks for a speed upgrade. You get there, and a few minutes in; you’re leaning on some wall in a dimly lit corner, with a drink in your hand. Suddenly, some dude in a black T, with a remarkable Will Smith goatee starts dancing 3 inches away from you. At some point, he turns to you and attempts to wow you with his moves, while establishing intense eye contact and subtly trying to get touchy. That’s when your best bud so audaciously steps in right in the middle between the two of you, after he’s picked up the signs that you totally want this guy to scram. He completely cockblocks the dude and essentially tells him to f*ck off. Thanks, bruv. I owe you one.
2. You Never Have to Buy Boyfriend Jeans, Oversized Tees or Flannel Shirts
Trying to change up your look a little bit and like, really really wanna purchase that awesome pair of ripped boyfriend jeans that cost around 800 bucks, but can’t because you’re broke AF and the thought of spending all that money on a pair of pants makes you want to cry? No problem! Because you can so easily borrow his pants and sport them around like you don’t got a care in the world. He’ll eventually start yelling at you for not wanting to give them back, though. Just saying. And at some point, he’s going to initiate the talk about how it’s so unfair that you get to borrow all his sh*t, but your stuff either don’t fit or are too flashy for his taste.
3. They’ll Always Give You The Truth as it is
They almost never sugarcoat their words. Not because they’re perfect and they never lie, but because they really don’t know how to to do it. I mean, if they think you look like a chandelier, you’ll know it and if they think you look gorgeous in that shirt, you’ll know it. And If you really should dump that guy’s ass, they’ll be blunt about it. Not that they do not put your feelings into consideration, but it’s just that they believe they should always tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. P.S. there’s a chance you might get offended in the process.
4. Always Late but Always There
My guy best friends are literally always yap yapping about how fast they get ready in the morning or how it only takes them 15 minutes to get dressed before we head out, yet somehow, the geniuses are ALWAYS late to EVERYTHING. As in, we’re literally always living on the edge placing bets on whether the gates will still be open when we get there or not. Not just that, but they’re always on my case for taking so long to put something to wear on. Back to my point: although I’m pretty sure they’ll all be late to their own weddings, if you need them, they’ll be there in a beat. No questions asked.
5. You Never Have to Worry About How They see you
Nope, They don’t like you because you have a great pair of legs or a smile to die for. They like you because you’re you. They love you for all that you are, no matter how annoying or weird you can get. If you text them “Lunch. Now.” and they don’t immediately answer, so you call them up 28 times before you decide to hit their place and wake them up by knocking on their door like a maniac, they won’t think that you’re crazy or that you’re obsessed with them. They’ll open up, curse, let you in and then go back to sleep after letting you know that there’s takeout in the fridge.
6. They’ll go as your Date to Everything
Although you’re the one who’s always saving their ass at that one due to the fact that in Cairo they don’t let dudes in alone anywhere, but they do the same for you without blinking. All you have to do is ask. No date to the wedding? They’ll go with you. Don’t want to go to that party alone? They’ll go with you. Need someone to go with you while you fix your car? They’ll go with you. You almost never have to worry about going someplace by yourself when you don’t want to, because they’re always happy (lie) to tag along. You always have a last minute date/fake boyfriend when you need one.
7. They’re Always on Douchebag Spotting Duty
They almost instantly recognize when a douchebag’s roaming around you. Like, they can so easily tell if someone’s innocently flirting with you or if someone’s been eying you the wrong way for a while. And they don’t hold back. Their radar’s almost always working and if they smell danger, they’re going to do something about it.
8. You Know you’ve got Brothers
They are, in all sense of the word; your family. This means that you protect each other like family but also bicker exactly like one, too. As in, as much as each of you knows that you’d go the distance for one another, when you fight; you really go for it. But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter because of how much you truly love each other.
9. They Don’t Always Understand but They do Listen
There’s a misconception that guys are bad listeners but, that’s not true. Some guys are really sh*tty at it yes, but your guy best friend will always listen to what you have to say even when he doesn’t necessarily get what you’re talking about, simply because it’s a subject that they can’t identify with, like: PMSing. However, in time; they’ll literally reach the point where they can detect exactly when your period’s coming up, when you’re pissed off because you’re hungry, when you definitely don’t like someone and so on. Trust me, they’ll have this shit memorized in no time.
10. You’ve got the Male Species Figured out
I only have to say one thing, now: Hanging around guys all the time teaches you everything you need to know about what other guys are typically like when you’re not around. Peace out.
I love you. Thank you for being in my life.